Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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