Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
