we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
