you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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