Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You need Xanax blowdarts
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
