Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
