i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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