I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
