i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
