Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
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my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
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Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize