we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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