I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
