did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
