Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
