Will you blow on my dice?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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