just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
