The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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