you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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