had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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