i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
