he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
