I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
