If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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