goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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