Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
