You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
