turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
