When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
