Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
