she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
