Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
barbara walters just said penis...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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