i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
