Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
