I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
