I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
