fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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