there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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