I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
