you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
