i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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