I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
