im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize