Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
