You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
