You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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