Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
