It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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