Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
