You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You are the jesus of drinking
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
