All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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