I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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