she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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