god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
