he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
