I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
even my farts smell like vagina
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
