tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
