very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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