Yo dont text me then not text me
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
