Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
