I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
