i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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