She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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