Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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