why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
