I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
