yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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